"Bura na mano" coz Holi Hai?

Today was the festival of Holi, which is basically the Indian festival of colors (although in recent times, we’ve improvised quite a bit to add mud, eggs, and grease to the list too). Now, as much as I love smearing absolutely harsh colors on other’s faces, I can’t help but notice that Holi, as a festival, does not exactly enthuse the same feeling of jubilance in all the people.  Some people, I’ve noticed, almost tend to detest this great festival of colors. And in their defense, they have good reason for doing so.

Let’s look at the fact number one. When I went down to celebrate this morning- after coating my face, body and hair with liberal amount of oil- within 10 minutes I was so covered in strong, ugly colors that I doubt whether even my mother would’ve been identify me (an exaggeration probably, but I did look like a zombie, mind you). My friends actually ignored off the relatively softer “gulaal” and used only the harshest colors to splotch my face. And even then they told me that apparently I was lucky, for “the grease had already been used up!” One might argue that all this is “in festive spirit” but what if I don’t want to end up looking like a lab experiment gone wrong?

I thought I had seen the worst, but that was only until the color started to dry. Then started the painful itch I was only too familiar with, having to experience it once every year. The color was almost cutting into my face, and I had to constantly spit in order to expel the color in my mouth. And that sure made drinking the thandai and eating pakoras a much more troublesome task! The only thing that gave me some solace was that my friends were suffering from the same problem. So I ask myself, is it really worth using such harsh colors? If it is indeed a “festival of colors”, why can’t we use gulaal, if not those organic colors, which all the news channels are advertising about?

Now the second part.  As one of my friends very rightly said, a few days before, even up to 2 weeks before the D-day, we start feeling like those military forces in counter-strike: having to constantly duck, crouch & sprint in order to dodge those dreaded water balloons, which are almost as fatal as hand grenades. The sight of kids hiding out in their balconies, lobbing those grenades at unsuspecting victims, followed by their euphoric shouts of “bura na mano, Holi Hai!”  that almost sounds like a triumphant cry of “mission accomplished”. The problems of these water balloons had intensified to such an extent that the government had to advise people against the use of these balloons. Even now, every year, notices have to be hung in my society, asking people to advise their children to keep away from hurling the balloons at passer-byes. And although the situation has improved a bit, as the dreaded day gets nearer, the commando in me starts to come out!

Now the third part. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Most alcoholics just need a reason to drink, and this reason is gift wrapped and handed to them on this joyous occasion. “Thodi aur Bhang toh banti hai aaj!” I’ve heard many people exclaim, who’re already feeling a little tipsy from the influence of this intoxicant. Not among the most common of drinks on other days, Bhang gets its 15 minutes of fame on this festival, every year! And people tend to get creative, mixing Bhang in thandai and pakoras. Hats off to them, really!

Now ask yourself, what does this festival stand for? As an occasion to get drunk? To throw water balloons at strangers? To smear such a strong color on people’s faces that they can scrub their skin raw, but it still won’t come off? I doubt many of you would be nodding your head enthusiastically in assent for any of these choices.

I personally like the way my father and his friends celebrate this festival. He goes down much earlier than me to catch up with his friends, they greet each other with generous helpings of mild gulaal, eat sizzling pakoras together, and basically laugh away with each other, with sips of thandai in between. I think he’s got a much better hang of this festival than me, but then, that’s just my opinion, isn’t it?

The Sane & the Skint: The story part 2

Continued from the last part (part 1) -

He had found two people who fulfilled most, if not all, of his stringent requirements.

The first one was Dylan Harris. He was not among one of Andrew’s brightest pupils, although he was certainly one of the richest and the snobbish. Not the one who believed in working very hard very often, Dylan was constantly on the verge of failing his exams. And while other professors- out of a little respect and intimidation of Dylan’s prominent family- always passed him, albeit with lowest possible grades, the same family name had little or no effect on Andrew, who had already flunked Dylan once and looked set to do it again.

Ethan had approached Dylan about 2 weeks back, and it had taken little convincing on his part to get Dylan to be a part of his little charade.

“I’m in”, Dylan had said. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get back at that virtuous prude. My father cancelled that Porsche he was gonna get for my birthday just coz Griffin is too full of principles to bend even a little. No offense to you, Mr. Griffin. And now dad’s saying that if history repeats itself, he’ll cut me out of his inheritance. You have my support, Mr. Griffin.”

The second individual had taken some time and research. Declan Sawyer was a high-profile psychiatrist. He was also someone who had made the stupid mistake of engaging in a public debate- on the topic of “the effect of language barriers on the modern political system”- against the highly esteemed professor Andrew Griffin. Needless to say, Declan had come out looking like a fool. People made a mockery out of him, saying that a doctor, who hadn’t held a stethoscope ever, got the better of a shrink! Pride is a big thing among doctors, and the promise of sweet revenge was how Ethan convinced Declan to be the part of his team.

The stage was set, the actors were ready to enact their part, & the play was about to begin. And the act had to start with Ethan paying his dearest brother a much-needed visit.

“Little Brother!” Andrew came forward to greet his brother. Ethan hated being referred to as that way, but Andrew never had been considerate enough to care. Well, soon the little brother was about to get the better of him.

                                                            

Silver Packaging around a Damaged Gift

When I was looking at my college website during my admission process, trying to figure out which college to join, one of the facilities of our college really got me hooked. “Fully Wifi campus” was proudly displayed on the college website. Free Internet really stimulates college students, and I am no exception. And just to be sure, I asked my college seniors whether this claim was really true, who assured me earnestly that it was.

So naturally, when I come to the college, my hopes are pretty high. Among other things, I am really excited about checking the speed of the Wifi in our college campus. So just on my first day in class, I am enthralled to discover that my phone can detect the Wifi just outside my classroom! And the speed, while not exactly “blazing fast”, is still reasonably good. For someone who is used to working with 2G, this is an amazing improvement. I open the Google homepage and enthusiastically type in “Facebook”, hoping to apprise my friends on just how splendid this college was!

This is where the fairytale ends. Instead of getting redirected to the blue themed site I’m so used to seeing, I’m staring at a notice on my phone, which proudly reads, “This site has been blocked”. Undeterred, I type in a few more keywords in the search bar, and my worst fears are confirmed; almost every site has been blocked! What is the point of free Internet if you can’t access almost any site?

Talking to my hosteller friends, I am told of the way around this problem. Thinking as only an engineer could, they have overcome the problem of blocked sites by using a proxy browser. However, before I could get my hopes up again I was once again confronted with the grim reality; the Wifi as well as the LAN ports were erratic, the net speed was fluctuating, and the proxy browser was really too cumbersome for frequent use.

This prompted a string of unanswered questions in my mind- what is point of having a net facility in college when the browsing sessions have to be so restrictive? Granted, we can use the internet services other that Wikipedia in order to answer our queries. Yet, it all seems kind of pointless to me. Although places like Knowledge Park and Computer Centre in the college offer a little more freedom, these have their shortcomings as well. There is no net proper net facility in late hours; maybe that’s why students prefer net cards and USB dongles to fulfil their requirements. This problem, although not the most urgent one, will certainly make a student’s life much more enjoyable if rectified.

Girls, especially, will benefit from this as their 9 pm restriction hampers the chance of any nighttime research or entertainment. A little leniency from the administrative authorities would surely be welcome with open arms. Internet is a fun way to relax, and students working long hours on their projects need a little respite from work. All in all, a somewhat working infrastructure is already in place, we just need to fine tune it and reduce the restrictions and then our college can truly have a “fully Wifi campus”!

And this is a scenario my friends, which basically represents what happens in most avenues of life. A guy (whose name I don't remember, sorry) once famously said- "Just take care of the little things in life, and the big ones will fall into place automatically!" Take care!

The Sane & the Skint: The Story part 1

Andrew Griffin was the perfect son. Or atleast, that was what Ethan, his younger brother, was told all his life. And although some might argue that Andrew indeed was a fine specimen- smart, handsome, a professor of linguistics at Harvard- in all essence, a perfect gentleman, Ethan maintained that it was no reason for him to hog all the limelight.

Andrew always was his father’s favourite of the two, and now that their father, the legendary multibillionaire steel tycoon Harry Griffin was dead, Ethan was sure that Andrew would inherit everything.

Now Ethan might have a lot of faults, but he had an astute business sense, and Andrew, even though possessing an IQ that might shame most scientists, could do nothing with so much money except squander it on fine wine and finer first editions.

Ethan had made several wrong and questionable choices in his past- both in his professional life and otherwise- as most proud youngsters do, believing that they know best. However, he knew better now, and he also knew that if his father was to provide him with some of his own resources and seemingly infinite capital, Ethan was more than capable of making his mark on the world. But Harry Griffin was not a man who believed in giving second chances- he had gotten Ethan out of a minor financial crisis once, and he was not about to part with any more of his money for his less favoured son.

So Ethan was left with no choice but to hatch a plan to get what he saw as rightfully his. And money was not the only thing for which he had started plotting. As long as he could remember, he had been living in Andrew’s shadow, and subconsciously or otherwise, Andrew had become haughty, try to subjugate his younger brother. But now, Ethan was about to get the better of him!

It had taken all of Ethan’s cunning to come up with this scheme. He knew that every part of the plan must go perfectly, or else his brother would see right through it. He also understood that time was of essence, for the legal firm which handled their father’s will had an upcoming appointment with them in a few weeks, and the plan had to be executed before that.

In order to ensure that his genius of a brother could be fooled, Ethan had a few tricks up his sleeve, or as an ardent gambler might call it, he still had an ace of spades, which happened to be Andrew’s butler.

Being a multibillionaire’s son has its advantages, and Andrew certainly enjoyed them. While Harvard professors were used to a luxurious lifestyle, it was still uncommon for them to have their own butler or a chauffeur driven Bentley. Andrew had both, and he was among the youngest professors.

Jean Masson, Andrew’s butler, was born in France, and he had been with Andrew for nearly 7 years. He was a loyal servant, but a million dollars was enough to shake anybody’s loyalty. Ethan had- with careful planning and much deliberation- let Jean in on his plan, only because his plan would’ve never worked without Jean’s support. Ethan was a little apprehensive about confiding in such an old servant of Andrew’s; but he had witnessed, growing up with his father, the effect money had on the most moralistic of people. And he was right- the promise of a million dollars had taken care that any devotion Jean felt towards his employer was soon forgotten.

While Jean was the most important part of Ethan’s plan, he was not the only one. Ethan needed other people to confirm the story he was about to cook up, and for that he needed individuals who, like him, wanted to get the better of his brilliant and absolutely perfect big brother.

SSHG Part 1: How to NOT study the day before the exams

This is first in the series of "Sarcastic Self Help Guides" about to be coming your way. And please, no need to thank me, I just love helping others. Okay, that was probably too much of a lie(winks!) Enjoy!

1.  Watch a movie marathon. A trilogy is even better. I recommend the die hard franchise (the 5^th one is out *grins*)
2. Invite friends, or even better, relatives with little kids. They’ll make sure you aren’t able to study.
3. Take time to appreciate the beauty of nature. Try to focus on the beautiful cloud shapes, the soft rustling of leaves, and other such stuff that might appear uninteresting on any other day.
4. Indulge in your creative side. I can personally guarantee, you feel like you can do anything on the day before the exams. Except study, that is!
5. Catch up with old friends- how long has it been since you talked to that nice guy who lived two streets away?
6. If nothing else works, think about how would you plan your schedule after this exam. How you would DEFINITELY ace the next exam. This is the closest you can come to studying without actually opening a book!