"Bura na mano" coz Holi Hai?

Today was the festival of Holi, which is basically the Indian festival of colors (although in recent times, we’ve improvised quite a bit to add mud, eggs, and grease to the list too). Now, as much as I love smearing absolutely harsh colors on other’s faces, I can’t help but notice that Holi, as a festival, does not exactly enthuse the same feeling of jubilance in all the people.  Some people, I’ve noticed, almost tend to detest this great festival of colors. And in their defense, they have good reason for doing so.

Let’s look at the fact number one. When I went down to celebrate this morning- after coating my face, body and hair with liberal amount of oil- within 10 minutes I was so covered in strong, ugly colors that I doubt whether even my mother would’ve been identify me (an exaggeration probably, but I did look like a zombie, mind you). My friends actually ignored off the relatively softer “gulaal” and used only the harshest colors to splotch my face. And even then they told me that apparently I was lucky, for “the grease had already been used up!” One might argue that all this is “in festive spirit” but what if I don’t want to end up looking like a lab experiment gone wrong?

I thought I had seen the worst, but that was only until the color started to dry. Then started the painful itch I was only too familiar with, having to experience it once every year. The color was almost cutting into my face, and I had to constantly spit in order to expel the color in my mouth. And that sure made drinking the thandai and eating pakoras a much more troublesome task! The only thing that gave me some solace was that my friends were suffering from the same problem. So I ask myself, is it really worth using such harsh colors? If it is indeed a “festival of colors”, why can’t we use gulaal, if not those organic colors, which all the news channels are advertising about?

Now the second part.  As one of my friends very rightly said, a few days before, even up to 2 weeks before the D-day, we start feeling like those military forces in counter-strike: having to constantly duck, crouch & sprint in order to dodge those dreaded water balloons, which are almost as fatal as hand grenades. The sight of kids hiding out in their balconies, lobbing those grenades at unsuspecting victims, followed by their euphoric shouts of “bura na mano, Holi Hai!”  that almost sounds like a triumphant cry of “mission accomplished”. The problems of these water balloons had intensified to such an extent that the government had to advise people against the use of these balloons. Even now, every year, notices have to be hung in my society, asking people to advise their children to keep away from hurling the balloons at passer-byes. And although the situation has improved a bit, as the dreaded day gets nearer, the commando in me starts to come out!

Now the third part. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Most alcoholics just need a reason to drink, and this reason is gift wrapped and handed to them on this joyous occasion. “Thodi aur Bhang toh banti hai aaj!” I’ve heard many people exclaim, who’re already feeling a little tipsy from the influence of this intoxicant. Not among the most common of drinks on other days, Bhang gets its 15 minutes of fame on this festival, every year! And people tend to get creative, mixing Bhang in thandai and pakoras. Hats off to them, really!

Now ask yourself, what does this festival stand for? As an occasion to get drunk? To throw water balloons at strangers? To smear such a strong color on people’s faces that they can scrub their skin raw, but it still won’t come off? I doubt many of you would be nodding your head enthusiastically in assent for any of these choices.

I personally like the way my father and his friends celebrate this festival. He goes down much earlier than me to catch up with his friends, they greet each other with generous helpings of mild gulaal, eat sizzling pakoras together, and basically laugh away with each other, with sips of thandai in between. I think he’s got a much better hang of this festival than me, but then, that’s just my opinion, isn’t it?

The Sane & the Skint: The story part 2

Continued from the last part (part 1) -

He had found two people who fulfilled most, if not all, of his stringent requirements.

The first one was Dylan Harris. He was not among one of Andrew’s brightest pupils, although he was certainly one of the richest and the snobbish. Not the one who believed in working very hard very often, Dylan was constantly on the verge of failing his exams. And while other professors- out of a little respect and intimidation of Dylan’s prominent family- always passed him, albeit with lowest possible grades, the same family name had little or no effect on Andrew, who had already flunked Dylan once and looked set to do it again.

Ethan had approached Dylan about 2 weeks back, and it had taken little convincing on his part to get Dylan to be a part of his little charade.

“I’m in”, Dylan had said. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get back at that virtuous prude. My father cancelled that Porsche he was gonna get for my birthday just coz Griffin is too full of principles to bend even a little. No offense to you, Mr. Griffin. And now dad’s saying that if history repeats itself, he’ll cut me out of his inheritance. You have my support, Mr. Griffin.”

The second individual had taken some time and research. Declan Sawyer was a high-profile psychiatrist. He was also someone who had made the stupid mistake of engaging in a public debate- on the topic of “the effect of language barriers on the modern political system”- against the highly esteemed professor Andrew Griffin. Needless to say, Declan had come out looking like a fool. People made a mockery out of him, saying that a doctor, who hadn’t held a stethoscope ever, got the better of a shrink! Pride is a big thing among doctors, and the promise of sweet revenge was how Ethan convinced Declan to be the part of his team.

The stage was set, the actors were ready to enact their part, & the play was about to begin. And the act had to start with Ethan paying his dearest brother a much-needed visit.

“Little Brother!” Andrew came forward to greet his brother. Ethan hated being referred to as that way, but Andrew never had been considerate enough to care. Well, soon the little brother was about to get the better of him.

                                                            

Silver Packaging around a Damaged Gift

When I was looking at my college website during my admission process, trying to figure out which college to join, one of the facilities of our college really got me hooked. “Fully Wifi campus” was proudly displayed on the college website. Free Internet really stimulates college students, and I am no exception. And just to be sure, I asked my college seniors whether this claim was really true, who assured me earnestly that it was.

So naturally, when I come to the college, my hopes are pretty high. Among other things, I am really excited about checking the speed of the Wifi in our college campus. So just on my first day in class, I am enthralled to discover that my phone can detect the Wifi just outside my classroom! And the speed, while not exactly “blazing fast”, is still reasonably good. For someone who is used to working with 2G, this is an amazing improvement. I open the Google homepage and enthusiastically type in “Facebook”, hoping to apprise my friends on just how splendid this college was!

This is where the fairytale ends. Instead of getting redirected to the blue themed site I’m so used to seeing, I’m staring at a notice on my phone, which proudly reads, “This site has been blocked”. Undeterred, I type in a few more keywords in the search bar, and my worst fears are confirmed; almost every site has been blocked! What is the point of free Internet if you can’t access almost any site?

Talking to my hosteller friends, I am told of the way around this problem. Thinking as only an engineer could, they have overcome the problem of blocked sites by using a proxy browser. However, before I could get my hopes up again I was once again confronted with the grim reality; the Wifi as well as the LAN ports were erratic, the net speed was fluctuating, and the proxy browser was really too cumbersome for frequent use.

This prompted a string of unanswered questions in my mind- what is point of having a net facility in college when the browsing sessions have to be so restrictive? Granted, we can use the internet services other that Wikipedia in order to answer our queries. Yet, it all seems kind of pointless to me. Although places like Knowledge Park and Computer Centre in the college offer a little more freedom, these have their shortcomings as well. There is no net proper net facility in late hours; maybe that’s why students prefer net cards and USB dongles to fulfil their requirements. This problem, although not the most urgent one, will certainly make a student’s life much more enjoyable if rectified.

Girls, especially, will benefit from this as their 9 pm restriction hampers the chance of any nighttime research or entertainment. A little leniency from the administrative authorities would surely be welcome with open arms. Internet is a fun way to relax, and students working long hours on their projects need a little respite from work. All in all, a somewhat working infrastructure is already in place, we just need to fine tune it and reduce the restrictions and then our college can truly have a “fully Wifi campus”!

And this is a scenario my friends, which basically represents what happens in most avenues of life. A guy (whose name I don't remember, sorry) once famously said- "Just take care of the little things in life, and the big ones will fall into place automatically!" Take care!

The Sane & the Skint: The Story part 1

Andrew Griffin was the perfect son. Or atleast, that was what Ethan, his younger brother, was told all his life. And although some might argue that Andrew indeed was a fine specimen- smart, handsome, a professor of linguistics at Harvard- in all essence, a perfect gentleman, Ethan maintained that it was no reason for him to hog all the limelight.

Andrew always was his father’s favourite of the two, and now that their father, the legendary multibillionaire steel tycoon Harry Griffin was dead, Ethan was sure that Andrew would inherit everything.

Now Ethan might have a lot of faults, but he had an astute business sense, and Andrew, even though possessing an IQ that might shame most scientists, could do nothing with so much money except squander it on fine wine and finer first editions.

Ethan had made several wrong and questionable choices in his past- both in his professional life and otherwise- as most proud youngsters do, believing that they know best. However, he knew better now, and he also knew that if his father was to provide him with some of his own resources and seemingly infinite capital, Ethan was more than capable of making his mark on the world. But Harry Griffin was not a man who believed in giving second chances- he had gotten Ethan out of a minor financial crisis once, and he was not about to part with any more of his money for his less favoured son.

So Ethan was left with no choice but to hatch a plan to get what he saw as rightfully his. And money was not the only thing for which he had started plotting. As long as he could remember, he had been living in Andrew’s shadow, and subconsciously or otherwise, Andrew had become haughty, try to subjugate his younger brother. But now, Ethan was about to get the better of him!

It had taken all of Ethan’s cunning to come up with this scheme. He knew that every part of the plan must go perfectly, or else his brother would see right through it. He also understood that time was of essence, for the legal firm which handled their father’s will had an upcoming appointment with them in a few weeks, and the plan had to be executed before that.

In order to ensure that his genius of a brother could be fooled, Ethan had a few tricks up his sleeve, or as an ardent gambler might call it, he still had an ace of spades, which happened to be Andrew’s butler.

Being a multibillionaire’s son has its advantages, and Andrew certainly enjoyed them. While Harvard professors were used to a luxurious lifestyle, it was still uncommon for them to have their own butler or a chauffeur driven Bentley. Andrew had both, and he was among the youngest professors.

Jean Masson, Andrew’s butler, was born in France, and he had been with Andrew for nearly 7 years. He was a loyal servant, but a million dollars was enough to shake anybody’s loyalty. Ethan had- with careful planning and much deliberation- let Jean in on his plan, only because his plan would’ve never worked without Jean’s support. Ethan was a little apprehensive about confiding in such an old servant of Andrew’s; but he had witnessed, growing up with his father, the effect money had on the most moralistic of people. And he was right- the promise of a million dollars had taken care that any devotion Jean felt towards his employer was soon forgotten.

While Jean was the most important part of Ethan’s plan, he was not the only one. Ethan needed other people to confirm the story he was about to cook up, and for that he needed individuals who, like him, wanted to get the better of his brilliant and absolutely perfect big brother.

SSHG Part 1: How to NOT study the day before the exams

This is first in the series of "Sarcastic Self Help Guides" about to be coming your way. And please, no need to thank me, I just love helping others. Okay, that was probably too much of a lie(winks!) Enjoy!

1.  Watch a movie marathon. A trilogy is even better. I recommend the die hard franchise (the 5^th one is out *grins*)
2. Invite friends, or even better, relatives with little kids. They’ll make sure you aren’t able to study.
3. Take time to appreciate the beauty of nature. Try to focus on the beautiful cloud shapes, the soft rustling of leaves, and other such stuff that might appear uninteresting on any other day.
4. Indulge in your creative side. I can personally guarantee, you feel like you can do anything on the day before the exams. Except study, that is!
5. Catch up with old friends- how long has it been since you talked to that nice guy who lived two streets away?
6. If nothing else works, think about how would you plan your schedule after this exam. How you would DEFINITELY ace the next exam. This is the closest you can come to studying without actually opening a book!

Ooooh.... Mystery!

No lifestyle, Just literature! Beginning next Sunday, I'll bring you a small thriller/mystery story. Maybe in 2 parts, maybe in 3. I don't know. Haven't really decided! Looking forward to writing it and presenting it to you folks! Take care!

I wish it was love!

I can’t get any sleep,
For my dreams are wrought with you.
And the fact that my head is so full of you,
Is as annoying to me as the flu.

You have a profound effect on me,
And you are always on my mind.
And this feeling that you give me,
Is definitely one of a kind!

Something intense is about to happen,
I can feel it has already begun,
And my life has turned all miserable,
And what’s gone out is all the fun.

I wish that it was love,
I wish that it was some girl.
But sadly, it’s just exam fever,
Which has my mind up in a whirl!

I fear the fact that the exams approach,
Like some many headed monster unknown.
And I too feel, like any other student,
That I’m simply about to be blown!

So many subjects, so little time,
I wish I had studied some more.
But I thought my time was better spent elsewhere,
So now it’s going to be really hard to score!

Oh Almighty! Just this one more time!
Please just let me pass!
It’ll all change, from the start of next sem,
From now on I’ll be the topper of the class!

The Science of Religion!

Religion. It has intrigued me since I can’t even remember. More wars have been fought over religious differences than any other. Religious conspiracies are an all time favourite of thriller fiction. Many awesome writers like Dan Brown, Alan Folsom and others have created spine tingling thriller stories revolving around religious conspiracy theories. Dan Brown, in particular, can create marvels. His novels, especially The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons, blurred the boundaries between science, art and religion.

But then probably, these 3 were never very different to begin with. Some of the greatest minds of all time were ardent believers in religion. Many great artists, architects and creative geniuses were keen students of religion too, and this reflects in their work. They have left many references in their works, some obvious and others not so palpable, and that is why their works are still admired after all this time.

Now science and religion also have existed together before the idea of either was actually conceived. No one can tell when religion came into existence; the same is true of science. Maybe their definition has evolved over time, but science, religion and art have existed ever since the human being has.

So maybe I got a little carried away; what I basically wanted to talk about was how religion and science are not as different as we have always been told to believe. Even though many a great scientists & philosophers have been exiled or murdered in the name of religion, there are many incidences where our religious scriptures have been in consistency with science!

Let’s not venture too far from home; let’s just focus on the Hindu scriptures for the time being. Now we might have heard a lot of stories in the Hindu mythology, particularly the Ramayana and Mahabharata. Now at first glance, we might dismiss them as stories, but on closer inspection, we see some really mind boggling revelations!

Consider Ramayana. We all know about Ravana. Yeah, he’s the guy with the 10 heads. Fewer among us know about his “Pushpak Vimana”- a vehicle made from flowers that could fly. Now looking past the strange name and the fact that it was made from flowers, it’s a vehicle, which could FLY! And all this was recorded in scriptures that date back to I can’t even remember when! A similar case happens in Mahabharta. There was this guy, Samjay (my mom told me his name, my knowledge of Hindu mythology is passable at best), who recited the whole battle of Mahabharata, which was happening so many miles away. Now maybe you might differ, but this sounds a lot to me like LIVE television. And these scriptures are centuries old. Astounded? Join the club! Maybe the saying “history repeats itself” has a more literal meaning than we realised!

Science is not the only thing hidden in these scriptures. Reading through these fabled tales, you’ll see the logic embedded in them. Take the simple example. Lord Shiva, the legendary god, has a snake as his ride. One of his sons, our dearest Ganesha, has a mouse as a means of transport (don’t laugh please, I’m not making this up, it’s all written in the scriptures). Now his other son, the less famous Kartikeya, rides a peacock. The astute reader must’ve already figured out by now- mouse, snake, and peacock. Oh my God! It’s a food chain!

Now you can find many more similar examples and incidences in these scriptures. This really makes your mind turn, right? I mean, how can people who exited centuries back even IMAGINE these kinds of things! While some questions probably can’t be answered right now, we can safely assume that these religious scriptures are merely not a collection of abstract stories. They are rooted in logic, and they pave way for the future. Maybe that was what different religions were created for. As a way to understand nature, to understand life itself. But over the centuries, these religions have distorted into something else entirely- an unexplained way of life, a collection of mythological tales, an assortment of idols to which we pray every morning, not even realizing that they are just symbols which characterize different traits in humans!

So yeah, a debate over religion never gets old, and I’m sure I’ll be back with some more opinions over this one. But as of yet, I leave you in peace! Bye!

To group or not to group?

This Sunday, I took part in an online debate. The topic of the debate was an intriguing one- why do people segregate themselves from each other and form groups? Are these groups really necessary? Or can we all just merge together to form one big, single group? I guess what the debate coordinator wanted to convey was that these groups- different religions, different nationalities, different ethnicities, all these do more harm than good. And he raises a valid point. Wars between these groups have been occurring since time immaterial. All these groups strive to establish their superiority over others; they all try to subjugate one another. Civil wars, territorial wars, & religious wars have hampered the advancement of human civilization time & time again.

Now, while I agree with him that these groups have waged wars to prove their supremacy; but his proposal that the very notion of these groups should be scrapped seems ludicrous! These groups characterize an individual; these are an integrated part of the one’s personality. If there are no groups, the very idea of individuality is lost! How would you distinguish between two people without splitting them into groups of some sort? And although the coordinator was right (to a point) in saying that these groups don’t define a person- that we don’t need to feel bound to our family name, our religion, or our nationality- but how can we have an identity without having something to identify ourselves with? It is more practical to suggest that these groups should try to respect each other and live in harmony than to suggest the idea that they amalgamate to form one group! While we can hope that someday Muslims and Hindus might come to accept each other, that all the past differences might be forgiven and forgotten; we just can’t hope for a scenario where Hindus & Muslims will just unite to form and big and reasonably amicable family! Not only does this seem absurd, this is not a setting that promotes freedom of expression.

If we have a great big group where everybody is similar, what am I to do if I want to be different? That is how new religions sprung up in the first place- people were not satisfied with what the older religions were professing. A new train of thought was adopted. Right or wrong doesn’t matter; some people just think a little differently than others! This is how cultures diversify; how new traditions, new ethics come into the picture. This would’ve been seriously difficult had we been part of a big single group.

Consider this argument as well. If I am a writer and want to grow as a writer, am I not better suited to an environment where my associates are writers too? So in short, is not beneficial for me to form a “group” with like-minded people? Or in fact, won’t this group be formed without me even meaning to? This is advantageous to my interests and is not detrimental to anybody, so groups help us to grow as people!

Taking the case of Palestine and Israel, as we discussed in the debate, we can see peace talks happening between the two countries. But then again, these peace talks aim to cease the mutual hatred between the two countries, not to try and integrate the two countries! Maybe sometime in future this hatred would dissipate completely, but Israel and Palestine are two very different countries with different culture, so we just can’t expect them to unite.

So yeah, though this debate was left unfinished (dinner calls!), what I deduced from this article was that I am not the only one who believes that these factions are an essential part of our life. And that we should strive to achieve harmony and equality between these groups, not to try and merge these very dissimilar people! And kudos to the coordinator, he single handedly took on all of us!

Would you like a Paradox?

Paradoxes are a fun thing to ponder upon when you have nothing else to think about. Simply put, a paradox is a statement or logic that is inconsistent with itself. These paradoxes have been a subject of discussion among the intellectual as well as the bored minds since time immaterial. We have been quoting statements that turn out to be paradox long before we knew the meaning of this word! Statements like, “I know that I know nothing” make perfect sense to us but upon further reflection, we realize that this statement does not make perfect sense!

There exist a lot of paradoxes but few really capture your attention. Consider this. A crocodile steals a child and promises to return it to his father only if the father can accurately guess what the crocodile intends to do, and the father, being a smartass, says that the crocodile won’t return the child! Now if the crocodile doesn’t return the child, didn’t the father guess right? Food for thought!

So yeah, there are many more such situations, which come in really handy when you wish to leave the other person clueless. One more such paradox is the Pinocchio paradox. Remember Pinocchio? The guy whose nose got longer each time he told a lie? I have told a few harmless lies too but thankfully, my nose is still the same!

So consider this, what if Pinocchio said, “my nose will grow now.” NOW what? If he’s telling the truth, then according to him, his nose should grow. But Pinocchio’s nose doesn’t grow when he’s telling the truth! So he’s just as stumped as our poor crocodile!

One thing that must be noted that paradoxes have no ‘conclusive’ solution. Usually a solution is given which is then widely accepted because it seems feasible. So a solution can always be improved upon or a new one can be proposed altogether. So I’ll try to provide some “feasible sounding” solutions to this paradox!

This one sounds a little far fetched but whatever. Let’s give it a go! Pinocchio’s nose grows only when he tells a lie, not what he believes to be a lie, so it basically depends on what he knows will happen! If he actually expects his nose to grow, then he’s telling a truth, and it won’t grow! If he expects it to not grow, it will. Being wrong about something is not lying. This logic would continue on indefinitely, meaning that he can’t determine if his nose will grow or not, & so he won’t know. Since he doesn’t know, he can’t lie about it, so it won’t grow!

Another, relatively simpler explanation is there too. You can’t lie about something that will happen in the future, only make predictions. Since Pinocchio’s nose only grows when he tells a lie, it won’t grow! If Pinocchio had said, “My nose just grew” when it hadn’t then that would be a lie and would cause his nose to grow!

Now, chances are you don’t agree with me. And you might be absolutely right too. But hey, give me some credit! Minds much smarter than mine have brooded over this paradox too. So you’re welcome to expound on my theory. And do tell me if you think you’ve found a “conclusive solution” to this problem! Take care!

Just hitch up those jeans, will ya?

Now this I can say with utmost confidence, I’m not the only one who is often in disagreement with his parents. I mean, if parents and children agree with each other, its almost like going against the basic laws of nature! Ever wondered why kids and their grandparents get along so well? (Wink!)

Now, as a kid, I remember that only my parents could find faults in me; as far as other adults were concerned, I was an angelic child (that’s probably exaggerating it a bit, but you get the sentiment). Parents, it seems, have a firm opinion that if their child is not doing what they asked him to, he’s probably doing something wrong! My parents are still probably thinking that I’m wasting my time “facebooking” over the laptop when I should be doing something useful. It’s a miracle when two generations are in accordance!

Now, this difference is opinion is kind of like the weather; criticize it all you want, but it’s not going to change in your favor! It took me some time to figure this one out, but I’m starting to understand why parents behave the way they do. Now I might be very wrong, but this is just my opinion!

I would like to believe that our parents trouble us so much just to take revenge on our grandparents! A pretty simple philosophy, and leaves you with hope that someday you’ll be able get even with your parents! But a tiny corner of my brain, one which houses reason and common sense, knows that it’s not true. Our parents only want what’s best for us (shit). But the problem is a complex thing called ‘generation gap’. Or maybe, it’s not complex at all! There’s always going to be differences between two generations. For every teenager, there’s going to be an old man wondering what the hell is wrong with him! Differences are not only between parents & children; both the generations often differ in opinion with each other! It’s just that this difference is much more pronounced and prominent between parents and children.

For me, my parents are still the greatest source of advice. But in some ways, they have been molded by the limitations of their time, so they probably can’t accept a new train of thought as easily as I can; in many ways, our parents will always be more conservative than we are. But this is a necessary evil; this conservative mindset helps keeps a bubbly mind like ours in order. We are naïve, and they know this, and hence they protect us from the world. But sometimes, just in the process of shielding us, they go overboard and don’t really let us become self-sufficient. Girls have it even worse than boys. Though our parents understand that they would have to let us be independent someday, their protective instinct clouds their wisdom!

And most of us have been rude to our parents at some point. What we must realize is that an argument is just as frustrating for them as it is for us! This difference of thought is absolutely natural! Very rightly has this been quoted, “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong!"

This is not an issue where one generation can be blamed; both the age groups have their shortcomings. Our parents have faced the hardships of life and its only natural that they want to protect us from that, but they forget that someday we have to learn to take care of ourselves; and even though we’re a naïve generation today, if you entrust us with something, we just might surprise you! And you have to understand that times are always changing! That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in another!

And we, for our part, must understand that our parents came from a different time, they’re pretty set in their ways; this doesn't mean that they are not capable of changing, it’s just that change for them comes gradually and very subtly. Sometimes, our parents have to be handled as if they are kids! Be patient, don’t force your thoughts on them & give them time, and you’ll be surprised at their reactions too! After all, at some point of time, they were in your position too! Mark Twain famously quoted, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years.” Same is the case with most of us; as we get older, we start realizing how right our parents were! And even if a disagreement arises between the two of you, just realize that they have been around here a lot longer, so you have to gently persuade them to hear your views.

And don’t ever think that you've already done so much more than the previous generation; after all, it was a generation that had no Google or Facebook, yet they still turned out pretty good right? And to all the parents out there, please stop talking about the new generation as if you have no hand in raising them (shows tongue). If you remember, your parents were just as concerned about you, and you turned out pretty well too! There’s nothing wrong with today’s teenager that 15 years can’t cure! So both of the generations, just think about it. See Ya!